GOLDSMITHS | BA Fine Art 2021

Lily Zlotover



dematerialism

I don't want to work on my own i don't want to its too much pressure to just stare at myself in the
                                     mirror and try and push ideas out like shits
What do they care nothing will come of me and my corpse
████████ made me quit smoking it said in the terms and conditions you better stop or ur card
wont work anymore
I hate drugs only paracetamol for when my insides want a chance to go outside
I take them on regular walks down the ███ Cross
I haven’t found jesus yet only instant coffee in the chaplaincy and a free forgetful lunch
Last time the rice was pretty mushy, but then again rice is pretty hard to get right so i don't
blame them
I put my work into a big room and laid it all out bare, didn’t come to much, only made me realise
how boring the work was
I eat a lot of fig rolls in the process and was shiting like mad

God what a mess, did i mention i haven’t found him yet?

I hate how self involved i am.
███████████████████████████████████
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I actually have far too many things, more than i can carry in one trip
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I think i'm going to head to the Internet in the computer room and have it all on there the
physical world is far too ██

And i can't really use plastic cups anymore ████ the uproar.

The studios are empty, fleeting bodies come in for 50 minute appointments and scuttle off. It's
like someones pressed pause and removed all the bodies and left only the desks.
They look like classrooms when the fire drill goes.

It's kind of hard i guess to know what to do when you could be doing anything, but also very
easy, i'm not complaining

I keeping thinking back to cookie and the sex worker she was with. They thought i was also
a sex worker
“been working then?”
“Yeah i guess” i reply thinking about the half hearted ████ reading id done at my grandmas
house the day before
“Where are you going?”
██████
“Oh i know ██████
Apparently so do i
I'm shaken cookie and the sex worker talk about work, they don't really want to do it, they
discuss but its good money
And here i am sitting here complaining about ideas I'm starting to think that something needs to be done here
██████████████████████████████████████████

*

She keeps telling me to buy toilet roll before brexit
She's got 5 litres of olive oil and endless bags of rice and cans of beans in my old bedroom
It seems as though i've been replaced with long shelf life food

Spent a tenner on floradix because im convinced im low in iron
It tastes like shit

The mirror i put up keeps falling down

The books i borrow i never read, they just sit in my room for a couple weeks Until i decide they
should go back home

I have a coffee flask, but i keep forgetting to bring it around with me
Last time i had one a long string on onion came with it, as vegetable soup had been in there
before

Doing a shit always makes you feel better
Piss always makes you feel a little bit better

My face is kind of dry
The radiator is too hot

Galleries are often disappointing
I need to get a job
I got over my annoyance at whistling
Apparently if you straightened out the █████and pointed it straight to the sky it would as tall
as the shard It's very hard to explain what you do every day

I want to change my name to something else like biscuit cake
Or charlie smith or Veronica corrupt
Ker█pt

Do you ever wonder if your grandmother hates you? Or if the stain on the floor is from a raisin
Do you like raisins? A Lot of people don't
Some people are allergic to nuts
The tube is pretty rough kind of loverble tho

Denise made me get my shit together
But im still a bit embarrassed because it's not quite all together
Its intimidating being around people here

There seems to be a disconnect between email and reality

The work iv made this year is pretty meh

Im still scared of the███████ i keep wanting to think of an idea to do there and do it to
prove to myself that im not scared but i cant think of anything yet

I pulled the emergency alarm twice this year on the tube
One for a little boy who had a fit and once for a suited man who collapsed i didn’t see him
collapse, only his suited legs with shiney black shoes on sticking out like in the wizard of oz

The section of the tube between ████ and ████ is the loudest in the whole undergroud
I refuse to put my fingers up to my ears, the screaching scapres my brain, like a difficult itch to
reach
I saw ricky gervais in a pub from a car
And ayyonline in ████████
And djjdsport in a pub in██
And that guy from qi in the library
Any Graham Norton in ███████
And sam smith at a bar
And my house mates childhood friend really pinged in shefeild
And a fight in a big sainsburiys
And an uncomfortable silence on the 2██
And a loud American coming home from ████ on a packe night bus

Im not a sex adict or a nicotine adict or perticually interesting when im drunk, i dont really enjoy
having baths that much, more a shower person
But my face is quite dry

█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
█████████████████████████████████████████████████ ill never forget the
shock on his face,████████████████████quickly scuttled█████████████████████
██████████████████████

I wonder if i will ever make anything good
I wonder if ill ever start smoking again

Maybe when i leave ██████


dematerialism